Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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