Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
