We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
