He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
