it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
