It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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