Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
