i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
