i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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