Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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