He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
