she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
