Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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