Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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