Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
