Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
