party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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