She went from zero to smokin in five shots
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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