Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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