If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sext me about skeletons
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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