You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
