All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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