The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
