1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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