I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
