Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
is it fun? or sober?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize