I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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