Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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