Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
