Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
