Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize