Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
