Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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