i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize