he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
