I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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