My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
