i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
