Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
