moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
