Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
