Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
