You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
