I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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