If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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