just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had sex on a roof
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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