In the future we'll all be gay
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
