You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize