Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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