remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
