i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
