Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
