and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
