he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
high people should be assigned attendants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
