Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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