Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
