I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize