if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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