I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
