she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
