were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
