just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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