Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
