True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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