She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
