I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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