I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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