I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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