I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
