they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My vagina just recognized that song.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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