My hand turned me down
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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