Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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