I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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