if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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