3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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