Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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