Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
