I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I skipped work to stalk him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
