fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
