i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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