Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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