I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
