My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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