i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
