We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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