He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
