break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
