FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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