They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
