I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
