sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think i got beer on your cat.
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